November 20, 2009

Jules Crittenden is a Big, Fat Meanie

Wingnuts are so illogical:
.. why do I waste any time even mocking these people? Well, I have to borrow a page from Sullivan’s defensive rationalization of his Palin jones on that one. When I see and hear these people and others like them cited as prominent, serious, thoughtful, expert commentators on NPR, places like that, and the team they backed, whatever their current misgivings, is actually in power, I realize that even the looniest lefties have to be taken seriously. Basically, because it drives me crazy. Also, and more importantly … because mocking them is fun.
Why can't these people think more like a woman? I don't understand this "party in power" nonsense at all. It's hard to imagine a more ominous threat to the Republic than a brainless bimbo who holds no elected or appointed office ... from a party that can't muster enough votes to effectively oppose a government takeover of 1/6th of the economy. Especially when (as Andrew repeatedly points out) her book is so badly written that no one with an IQ above room temperature would pay any attention to it:
Watching someone this delusional and this uninformed and this narcissistic strut around the world stage telling empirical untruth after untruth is a car wreck worth rubber-necking. The book is so weird, and its fiction so bad, and its facts so non-checked, you’d have to have every single journalistic bone in your body removed to be indifferent to it.

But anyway, I’m tired of all this meta-journalism. Does examining her make me look obsessed? Does not examining her make me look cool? Who gives a f**k? She’s a great story, a truly bizarre creature, an international woman of mystery, and completely off her rocker.

Get a clue, Crittenden. Or better yet, have your progesterone levels checked out. I suspect you're a quart low.

Real journalists like Sully and the Associated Press are doing yeoman's work, protecting Americans like you and me from obviously stupid and unqualified politicians we shouldn't take seriously. We need their help to decide what is "news" and what we should ignore. Let's face it -- the majority of Americans are ignorant and stupid, except when the majority of them agree with Steve Benen, in which case they are well informed and rational.

Anyway, the point is that we certainly don't want a repeat of the 2000 and 2004 elections! What could be more embarrassing than having the wool pulled over our eyes by a guy who can't even eat a pretzel without help? I still can't figure out how a retarded chimp managed to outwit two vastly smarter opponents, much less hoodwink the American electorate into putting him in the Oval Office...


Obviously, this is all so self evidently self evident that we need it explained to us. Fortunately, the media seem perfectly willing to shield us from having to think too much.


  1. Andrew? Is that you? Did you stop taking your meds again?

  2. That retarded chimp has not one but two degrees, the chimp flew a fighter jet that was nicknamed the widow maker, the chimp also speaks a second language. So how's your new guy doing? Bang his head into anymore helicopters? Did he find the door yet? Can he speak two lines without his telepromter? Bow to any foreign leaders today? Give any more shout outs? Ask you not to call a murdering terrorist a murdering terrorist? Does he still want to invade Pakistan? Has he made a decision on Afghanistan yet? Send any more wrongly encoded dvds to heads of state? Give any more iPods full of self centered speeches? Does he still think there are sixty states? Did he print more money today and then tell you that you are spending too much? Did it ever occur to you, and I know asking a person with your obvious small brain pan a direct question can be confusing, that the guy you had before was twice the man that your present clown is?. No didn't think so! Sucks to be you!

  3. Did it ever occur to you, and I know asking a person with your obvious small brain pan a direct question can be confusing...

    Hmmm. This, from someone who is asking a direct question of reproductive organ with a blog....

    Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised if your irony detector seems to be out of whack. Did it ever occur to you that your leg was being pulled a bit?

    Of course it didn't. Go back and read more carefully, this time for comprehension. Let me know when you get the point.

  4. I'm sure Anonymous' mother's uterus did her level best to eject him spontaneously.

  5. *sigh*

    It's a scary, scary world when people on the same side of the aisle reflexively assume that a blogging uterus, making statements that - on their face - can only be viewed as self refuting, must be serious.

    Who knew that the best way to be taken literally was to masquerade as a reproductive organ?

    Thanks, Elbow.